I’m sorry for stealing your heart~

~In the name of God, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful~

This feeling has become too unbearable and my life has started to get out of my control.  L.O.V.E is such a powerful and strong word that i’m trying to avoid using it with different gender. I don’t know if 2012 is a year for love or what since it seems that i’m getting too many love proposals.. well, if that’s how it ahould be called. Seriously, it throws me out of balance. I don’t even recognise what i’m feeling right now because it just become too complicated with the presence of 3 people. Mcm cinta bersegi2. huhu.

Luahan utk kamu yg tak mampu diungkap di bibir atau terluah melalui tulisan sms mahupun msg di fb:

Maaf kerana mencuri hati2 kamu tanpa rela,

Maaf andai membuat hidup kamu derita bila cinta tidak berbalas,

Maaf kerana meletakkan harapan tinggi dan mengharap kamu berubah demi saya,

Maaf kerana hati ini sendiri masih keliru jika ada cinta ataupun tidak,

Maaf kerana saya sebenarnya bukanlah org yg sempurna seperti yg kamu sangkakan,

Kekaguman kamu terhadap saya membuat saya berasa bersalah yg amat,

kerana hanya Dia dan saya yg tahu betapa byk kelemahan dan kekurangan diri ini,

Sungguh, saya sgt hargai perasaan kamu kerana saya tahu mengungkapkan perasaan cinta itu bukan hal yg mudah,

Sungguh, saya mmg bersalah kerana menawan hati kamu sedangkan kamu sudah pun berpunya,

Tapi, langsung tiada niat di hati saya utk menghancurkan masjid yg telah terbina,

Walaupun mungkin perasaan saya dan kamu adalah sama, namun biarlah semuanya terhenti di sini,

Sungguh diri ini tak tega menjadi org ketiga dlm sebuah perhubungan,

Sungguh diri ini tak mahu menjadi penyebab perpecahan sebuah keluarga,

Jika kita tak boleh kekal sebagai sahabat, saya ucapkan terima kasih atas segalanya,

Terima kasih kerana hadir bukan saja di saat gembira, malahan duka,

Terima kasih kerana merelakan diri tersiksa dgn perbuatan saya yg seperti org tak berperasaan,

Terima kasih atas segala perhatian yg diberikan dan sudi menerima saya seadanya,

Saya mohon pengertian agar memahami situasi kerana realiti tak mungkin jadi seindah yg dimimpi,

Jika tiada niat utk bernikah, lupakan saya. Jika ada, sila lah berubah agar bisa menjadi imam yg dpt membimbing saya agar lebih mendekati-Nya,

Cinta itu tidak salah tapi terpulang pada cara kita meletakkan cinta itu pada tempatnya,

Bukan sengaja menyimpan perasaan, tapi khayalan tentang kamu haruslah dibuang jauh kerana ingatan ini hanya mengundang murka-Nya,

Saya hanya mampu merindu dlm diam dan mendoakan yg terbaik utk kita,

Semoga saja kamu bisa faham luahan hati yg sukar diluah ini.

Mencintai tak semestinya harus berakhir dgn memiliki, kerana diri ini pinjaman dari-Nya,

Walaupun fitrah seorang manusia ingin diri dicintai oleh org yg dia cintai, namun sebaiknya hati ini diserahkan kepada Dia, si Pemilik Cinta,

kerana dari situlah cinta secara total akan kita dapatkan..

p/s: luahan merepek di akhir Februari.. sila abaikan pd siapa yg tak berkenaan. huhu (=_=)”

 

.My about-to-end holiday.

~Bismillahirrahmanirrahim~
Hmm, i know.. i know.. it’s been ages AGAIN since the last time i updated my blog. But anyway, thanks to certain people who still take the time to check my blog and ‘complaining’ that i haven’t written anything in it. i know you must be missing my rambling and ranting. haha. *perasan btl la* the reason why i finally get to ‘force’ myself to write here is because i can’t open Interpals and Facebook. Geez, just perfect timing huh..

As the title said, my holiday is about to end in less than 2 weeks. Honestly, i’m not ready yet to enter my final and challenging semester. i am seriously worried thinking about my Final Year Project especially because i haven’t started doing it at all. Thanks to Henry and the broken SFE. heh. i’ve grown tired asking him the same question over and over again on when the equipment can be used. it’s like totally pointless =_=

So, what did i do during my 2 months holiday? (well, 1 month was spent by working like crazy). The rest of my holiday are being spent by staring into space and daydreaming. haha. not totally true of course. i did have some missions accomplished

For once, i managed to visit my foster brother’s family in Kelantan for the second time. Actually, the plan should include going to Aniq’s wedding, but somehow, it didn’t work out that way. Instead, i went to Rantau Panjang with him and Ayah Ngah’s family where i spent my money buying jersey, shirt and jeans for my 2 brothers. The prices were cheap enough. I was basically restraining myself from buying more. After all, i’m so choosy that it had taken about 2 hours to pick a cloth. haha. *kidding*

By the way, the next day, i went to Jeram Linang with the rest of his family. (by his family, i mean his mom + siblings + Ayah Ngah’s family + Ayah Da). So, there were a lot of people and we went there in 2 cars. (but dia tak ikut sekali and i forgot to ask him why). We had some kind of picnic there. Most of the time, i watched all the kids having fun in the water which tempt me to join them. But, i didn’t bring my spare clothes or if i did bring, i would feel very shy to go in the water. Ahh, i envy those kids who get to feel the cold water during the hot day. It just make me missed the old time when i was being a kid. total freedom.. *sigh*

The next agenda that i accomplished was going to Halal World Research Summit 2010 for 3 days. It was more fun and enjoyable than i imagined because; 1) The food were absolutely delicious (i ate like i’m starving and tried many new dishes), 2) Got so many free things~ computer bag, Digi t-shirt, Champs vitamin C, hand sanitizer, mouth wash etc. I don’t even have to pay for the conference. It’s FREE! i learned a lot from the distinguished speakers such as about the potential of Malaysian herbs in Pharmaceutical, supercritical fluids which i should use for my FYP, alcohol issues presented by En Dzul (my ex-supervisor when i was doing practical training. i paid more attention to his topic rather than the other speakers ) and so many more from MARDI, MPOB, BioLife, CCM etc.

Then, last Sunday, i went to a reunion sort-of at Myra’s house. We watched TV, ate a lot, celebrated June + July’s birthdays, exchanged presents and took pictures. There were 12 of us. I wished there were more but most of them can’t come at the last minute. What a pity. Still, it was nice to be able to meet Aniza (who’s going to be a mom some months later), Syaz (walopn byk kali dh jmpe kat ktn ;p), Maya, Myra, Jue, Iot, Una, Ateng, Wani, Mai, kwn Mai- Wati. I got a box of dark chocolate assortments from Una for the ‘exchange presents’ activity ^_^ Makan lagi.. geez.

I am well aware that my weight has been increasing EACH and EVERY day. Thanks to my job at the cafe, for staying at Kelantan, for yummy food that i can’t resist at the conference and for the expert cooks at Myra’s house ;p i have to blame all of you for making me fat. hehe. But anyway, i am sure i can decrease it by the next semester since i will be burying myself between lecture notes and text books as well as dedicating myself to lab works (well, hopefully..)

So today, i hope i can go to PKNS Complex to buy some books at Pesta Buku Selangor. I’ve been wanting so badly to buy novels from JS but if i come today, i can’t meet Imaen *sigh* (desperately want sekuntum kembang merah dari En Imaen ;p haha) What to do.. my mom wanted to go there this evening. After all, this weekend, it’s time to go to Penang since my sister will start her new semester. While next weekend, it will be my turn to go back to hectic uni life. ugh, great.. *sarcastically clapping hands*

Hmm.. i still got an overflowing pile of letters that are waiting to be replied since March. I better stop being a lazy bum and answer to all those long letters. And there are books waiting to be read. And the house chores. And the plan to go shopping. Ahh.. better stop now before i bore you with all the tiny un-important details ;p

Till then.. let’s see how long will it takes for me to write here next time. haha

New Year, New Me??

Bismillah.. In the name of Allah, i’m starting this post with the hope for His Mercy n Blessings.

Oh My Gosh, i can’t believe it’s already new year! It’s been ages since the last time i posted something here. I really can’t remember when was the last time i did visit my blog. I almost forgot i have a blog until Mdm Yati ask us to comment on her blog. lol. =p

So, there’s a lot of things that had happened. i don’t even know where to start.  Weddings, programmes, working, studying n everything.. they all seems vitally important to be put here. But, let me choose what i need to share n what not to be shared.. hmm..

About Campus Dakwah Project..

Last weekend, i managed to attend a program named Rebranding Dakwah Workshop. I was glad that i could resist the temptation to play games for a while n gain some input to cure my heart which is kinda in dangerous state. i learnt a lot from Mr Amin n Mr Shah Kirit. Should i put all that i learned here? Well, basically, Mr Amin shared the tips on how to become a successful Daie while Mr Shah Kirit talked about non-Muslims’ perceptions toward Islam as well as comparative religion. This knowledge is really important for me since my penpals had asked about Islam n i have some difficuties to answer some of their questions which is not that easy after all. By attending this programme, some of my questions had been answered. So, i’m relieved n grateful that Allah opened my heart to go to this programme. i hope that He will also open my penpals’ hearts toward Islam. On Saturday night, i went to the konsert for Tabung Amal Sinar Harian. (can’t remember the exact words). I was kinda excited because i haven’t gone to any konsert for a looong time. The last time was during I-Quest on 2008. Most of the singers are from Akademi Nasyid TV9~ Azhan, Aiman, Muslim Voice n Irsyadee. I enjoyed their performances. Azhan was so funny.  He always make people laugh. He even brought one foreigner whom he picked on the street. He said that he had done it a lot of time already n some of them have embrace Islam after being exposed to his life n Islam. I’m so touched when i heard his story n i’m hoping that i could do the same.

Other than that, during the short holiday for Christmas, i was going back home to attend generaxians’ weddings.  It was so much fun when i got to meet Ex-SRIAAG like Atikah Pandi n Maryam Nazihah. Then, some Ex-SMIAAG yg agak lame x jumpe such as Aishah Aminuddin, Iman n Natrah. This was when i attend Mus’ab + Aliyyah’s wedding. Mmg happening sungguh sbb jmpe ramai bdk Al-Amin. Banin don’t have to be mentioned here la kan.. haha.

Then, for Aniza’s wedding, I went with Maya n Pijah. Met with Sofi at UIA. Enjoyed the wedding although had to wait for so long to snap some pictures with Aniza. Dgn tepung tawar segala.. I thought I never got the chance to take a memorial picture with her on her wedding. Dala time die b’tunang n akad nikah x dpt dtg. Nasib x kempunan nasi minyak kali nih.. huhu. That was because I insisted on going to her wedding even though my family had other plans. They want to go to Lentang or somewhere else on that Sunday before sending me to the campus. It turned out that we only went to Tanjung Lumpur to eat (which make me gatal2 for a week sbb nyamuk spesies ape tah ade kat situ.. sbr jela). But overall, it was such a memorable weeks for me. Boleh kire bape kali je my family hantar to Kuantan. I’m naturally an independent woman ;p Always have to do things on my own.. Anyway, for all the weddings that I manage to come n not be able to come, Baarakallahu likulli waahidin minkumaa fii shaahibihii wa jama’a baynakumaa fi khayrin. Moga Allah merberkahi pernikahan kalian.. Yazdaan, Asiah, Che’ Pin n Aniza, semoga menjadi suami yg soleh n isteri yg solehah. Buat mereka yg baru menyambut baby~ Naseebah n Qurratu Ain, congratulations, moga menjadi umi yg mithali

Special dedication to Myra: Happy 22nd Birthday, my dear! kite sebaya la skrg.. hehe. Moga umur yg b’tambah seiring dgn p’tambahan iman n taqwa. May all your dreams come true. Love u so much n pray that you get everything u wanted whether in this life or hereafter. Amiin~

Happy Belated Birthday to me~

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious & the Most Merciful.

ahh.. i’m getting old 22 is the number. is it time to feel grown up yet? i don’t think so. haha. Anyway, let me share some touching stories regarding my birthday (ayat mcm exaggerating plak dah ;p)

Yes, this is my birthday cake given by my beloved roommates at about 12.oo am on 16th of July 2009. They came to my room & sang a birthday song followed by the wishes. The cake was absolutely delicious. No doubt about it. It’s from Secret Recipe anyway. Though it’s not a cheese cake, i still ♥ it so very much. It’s one of the most delicious cake i’ve ever eat in my entire life (betul ni ^-^)~ ♥

Next, we move to the highlight of the day I got a message from Maisa saying that we had a meeting at 8.30pm at KOS. First, i kind of doubt n i did guess that maybe they were gonna throw some surprise or anything. But then, maybe not. So, i just wore whatever ‘baju kurung’ that i had ironed earlier n wait for them at the chair at our block. Then, i saw Didi came downstairs n met with Kak Sue. Kak Sue asked where did she want to go n she said she’s going to some restaurant to treat me for my birthday. I was confused when i heard that n didn’t know how to react. She just saw me sitting on the chair after that n thought that she spoiled my surprise. haha. i think it’s really funny in the sense that all the surprises that my friends wanted to do on my birthday just not really worked as they planned =p But, i still appreciate their efforts though ^_^ Anyway, we went to Satay Zone. After we had sat at 1 corner, Maisa gave me a present from all of them. I looked at the present n i was extremely SHOCKED to see that it’s a mobile phone. oh my God! i was so very extremely, deeply, terribly TOUCHED by their efforts n thoughtfulness. I was having a feeling that i’m going to cry but i didn’t want to spoil the happy mood so, here it is.. the most expensive present that i’ve ever got in my life so far.. ♥

It was kinda strange in the way that i had a daydream that somebody would give me a mobile phone for my birthday this year (though that somebody is suppose to be another person). Last year, my dream did come true for the birthday cake. So i guess, next year, i should dream about getting a laptop as my birthday present. haha. (too good to be true la plak ;p)

Anyway, i want to express my highest n deepest gratitutes to Allah especially for still blessing me with health n iman. Next, to all my beloved friends n also strangers who had been wishing me on my birthday. Thank you very much to my true n trusted friends~ Didi, Maisa, Ecah, Khairiyah, Opie n Krun for the sweet surprises. It really had made my day felt so special Thanks a lot to Liyana, Syaz, MZM, Waniey, Myra, Ateng, Kak T-ma, Nadiah Maslan, Sofie, Pijah, Sue, Zati for wishing me on my hp, ym, facebook n friendster. Not forgetting to other friends n seniors as well who had wished me during that special day. Too many to list, so forgive me for not putting all of your names here but all of you are very well appreciated ♥

New sem, new resolution??

Opening my words with Bismillah.. dgn nama Allah yg Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.

I can’t believe the new semester has finally started. Actually, i’m not ready yet to face all the challenges with so many subjects to take which surely drive me nuts. More crazy than last semester. Aaarghh.. i really hope i will manage to score even better this semester. Please CGPA. don’t drop again. I’m begging you.

New resolution: NO more addiction on interpals & facebook’s games, NO more working, say NO to procrastination & laziness! (tough work i know) *sigh*

Well, actually i want to story something about my practical training. I know it’s quite late to share this but better late than never, right? So, here it goes.. The pictures that speak a thousand words.. (haha..ye2 je ;p)

..with Kak Kasha & my beloved colleagues..

..last day at HPRI. B’akhir dgn senyuman..

..with science officers yg saaangat baik hati..

I would like to convey my gratitude to all staffs n students at HPRI that had taught me a lot along the way of industrial training. Many thanks to Kak Ira especially for all the troubles that you have gone through- hantarkan blk hostel + ktm, belikan makanan, stay late with me until i finished my experiment, tolong printkan my report n results, tak pernah marah even once bila DSC rosak. (it’s not really my fault, was it? ) I think she is the most sporting person at HPRI. No kidding =) Lagi, to many Master students yg menunjukkan keprihatinan pada kami like Kak Zihan, Kak Kasha, Kak, Aisyah, Kak Yati, Kak Jue, Kak Wan. Tak dilupakan juga pada Pak Rahman yg sudi m’beri tunjuk ajar on how to use FTIR. What else? I’m glad that we managed to finish this training earlier 2 days than it was supposed to be. Thanks to En Dzul yg telah memberi kelulusan dgn senangnye. hehe. I really learnt a lot from him. Hope my small contributions to the institute will be blessed by the One n Only God. Ok, tetibe mcm sedih la plak. huhu. I better stop now before this tears streaming down non-stop ^^

p/s: Countdown to my birthday. 2 days to go =p oh, ye. I love it when we (the charmed 4) were hanging out together yesterday at ECM n eating Rasamas for lunch. Other than that, I’m so touched with you (Maya) for driving me all the way to HPRI. seriously terharu. siap belanja mkn lagi. tak terbalas budimu, moga Allah jua yg m’balasnya!~

Hish..seriously~

First of all, ‘Astaghfirullahhalazim 3x’ (moga dijauhkan dari syaitan durjana) because right now, i’m really pissed off with some persons. what an inconsiderate persons they are. i really hate a person that took advantage from other peoples’ weakness. How can they charge us so expensive for the transport though it really isn’t far from our hostel to HPRI?! for the sake of commitment? WTH! SHEESH..seriously. can they give more better reason other than that n not saying something like we are burdening them when in truth, they are the one who are burdening us. great.. i hope i won’t be someone like that ever in my life.

Sepatutnya, diorg b’tolak-ansur since we are students. our parents are not rich n it’s really a pain in the neck for me to spend a lot of money for this practical training. but, i also realize that some part of it comes from my mistakes since i didn’t do any research about the place for my practical training before. i was too busy working n i just choose the place at the last minute without really giving it a thought. at least, i am grateful that i’ve got my other 2 friends together at HPRI. So, just bear with it for the remaining 2 weeks. Lagipun, tadi Maisa baru bagitau yg government akan bagi elaun sebanyak RM250 sebulan utk student yg buat praktikal di tmpt kerajaan. i hope the news is true though we only will get it next year. But, knowing it is a relief though we spend more than that for the entire practical training. OK, update my blog later on when i do have time. headache now n again~

2 weeks to end..

Hmm.. practical training. this week has been rather exciting for me. It’s so unusual that i got to eat for free everyday at the office. to sums up:
-Monday: Kenny Rogers, treats by En Dzul
-Tuesday: Nasi Lemak after progress presentation
-Wednesday: Nasi Lemak (more special than yesterday), treats from somebody at the office to all staffs & students.
-Thursday: Nasi Lemak (3 days berturut-turut) from Kak Zaffan & Nasi Goreng Paprik from Kak Ira
-Friday: Nasi + asam pedas ikan pari + begedil + sayur pucuk paku masak lemak, treats by Kak Ira

I was staying at the institute on Thursday to perform my experiment. Only slept like 1 hour because it’s so cold though i didn’t even open the aircond. During that time, En Dzul and Prof visit me to see my results. I didn’t expect Prof to come and ask about my experiment. At that time, i was watching Korean movie. haha. i’m kinda ashamed but Prof didn’t said anything about that. The same goes for En Dzul. But, the results that i got this time really give me headache. Argh.. i better not think about it for now. I think tomorrow we gonna have a long discussion about the results. I’m really worried since Prof also wanted me to send the report to his email. With this kind of results, it’s really complicated to do the report. I hope i can finish it soon. Anyway, thanks for the concern and care that most people showed to me especially from my beloved colleagues, Kak Ira, Kak Zaffan, Faizal, En Dzul, Prof, Kak Aisyah and Kak Diha. I’m really touched that so many people actually cared about me. I’m lucky that i got a day off on Friday after i finished my experiment. hope that the remaining 2 weeks will be great with no problems in between.

Delicious treat at Kenny Rogers <3

A big thanks to my supervisor, En. Dzulkifly Mat Hashim for the really wonderful treat at Kenny Rogers, Alamanda. love it so much! i don’t think i have ever been to Kenny Rogers before. (i’m so poor you know ;p)

but then, after we went back to the office, we continued our discussion until Maghrib prayer which was quite tiring. phew~ though most of the time i just sit and listen to him. ^^ i can’t believe we actually are producing our research paper. everything is just going so fast. suddenly, i have to sleep at this institute to do my experiment throughout the night. how cool is that ;-P (haha.. really?) i am praying that my experiment will produce better results than before so that our research paper can be published soon. (Amin..) kalo tak, kesian je En. Dzul b’habis duit utk blanje kami. huhu. lagipun, if dpt publish, En Dzul nak blanje Nando’s plak. haha

whatever it is, i’ve learned a lot n i’m so thankful to him (En Dzul) for his guidance, kindness n everything. tapi, rase mcm lawak je En Dzul suke tgk friendster org lain. hehe. Also, many thanks to other important persons like Kak Ira, Kak Diha n Kak Aisyah for their help in my experimentation.

*special thanks to Lisa for the pic*~;<3

My handphone was being stolen~

Bismillah. in the name of Allah, the Most Gracious n the Most Merciful.

Yeah, this world has become REALLY cruel. So many bad people out there. Allah wants to test me yesterday. So, He sent one pick pocket to stole my hand phone at KTM Serdang. There were really so many people at that time since the train came late but i didn’t expect it to happen at all. (naive me ) At first, of course i was really MAD. i guess i AM still SAD of this cruel reality. but well, life must go on. This is the first time my hand phone is stolen. At least, not my purse n all the important cards. I hope Allah will replace my hand phone with something better later. I know there’s always hikmah beyond all this sadness. wish that all the stressful weeks will finally end. TIRED. SAD. UPSET. HURT. but HAPPY to receive many sweet letters from my penpals. That really brightens my day n put a lot of smiles in my face.

P/s: to my dear friends who happen to read this post, i will ask your numbers later on when i get to buy my own hand phone. right now, i’m broke. So, can’t afford to buy a new one :’( if there’s anything, feel free to send me e-mail or contact me through facebook, friendster, tagged or whatever.

Tag from Myra~

1. Copy award di atas untuk diletakkan di blog anda.

2. Nyatakan 5 fakta menarik tentang pemberi award ini:

>> suka mengusik org (it is SO true ^^)

>> slalu keep in touch & hantar sms2 yg sweet

>> rajin btul tangkap gambar. x kire di mane2 je. huhu

>> so thin n tall~ x tau la mkn ape sbenarnye. o_O

>> macam slalu je gi jln2 n jumpe kwn.

3. Setiap blogger mesti menyatakan 10 fakta/ hobi diri sendiri sebelum memilih penerima award seterusnya:
/+/ loves to write so much. <3 lately, i’ve been into letter writing. it’s my latest obsession. well, sort of ..^^ i got my penpals from www.interpals.net

/+/ watching movies or dramas during free time. skrg ni, mcm almost every night, watch movie with my 2 friends at hostel.

/+/ can’t live without internet. haha. mcm tiap hari je online. bknnye buat ape sgt pon. currently active at interpals n facebook.

/+/ alamak, nape rase mcm takde idea je. 3 major hobbies should be enough for now. other than that, reading, collecting stuffs like stamps n postcards, love nature but hate hot weather,  like to go to the book stores n gift shops, CHOCOLATES! <3

4. Anda perlu memilih 3 penerima award seterusnya dan describe tentang mereka:
Hmm.. susah ni. mcm semua dh kene tag je.

1. didi= baik je orgnye. tak pernah berkire dgn kwn

2. ecah= byk introduce bende baru. all stuffs yg die ade cute n beautiful ;p

3. just anyone la. alright?

okay.. sekian, terima kasih. my headache comes back. tomorrow will be a tough day for me. at least today, i’m relieved that i got the desired results for my experiment. thank God. can’t wait to finish my practical training. .